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SCAR-H1988

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Too paranoid to tell it :P
I dont know about other scandinavian countries but at least here we dont arrange duels that way participants meets somewhere later. People here have very practical and straightforward way settle these things, they just go to punch that other guy. :blackeye: I heard that from one friend. :) But im kinda show man like Tyson Fury, so maybe we could recreate Apollo Creed ring walk scene of Rocky 4 or maybe i should get carried in as king who sits on his throne. I have to start practice singing of Living in America or build my kings throne. And i should order boxing trunks and coat where is text NOOB KING. :D


 
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SCAR-H1988

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Too paranoid to tell it :P
😂 LOL Heiki are you sure you're not back on the juice 😂
Its just my personality, alcohol would just increase my natural behavior. In both good and bad. Im still sober, its 4 years and 4 months full at end of this month. :angelic:

Or maybe im just second person inside Lakas head, an incarnation of his suppressed wild side like in movie Fight club. That will be quite confusing when he some day finds out that crazy guy have same ip address. :D
 
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lakaelo

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Its just my personality, alcohol would just increase my natural behavior. In both good and bad. Im still sober, its 4 years and 4 months full at end of this month. :angelic:

Or maybe im just second person inside Lakas head, an incarnation of his suppressed wild side like in movie Fight club. That will be quite confusing when he some day finds out that crazy guy have same ip address. :D
bloody hell. that would be the third one lol no room for that in my head. hihi but again congratz to be sober. that is something you can be proud. every fight against an addiction is hard enough and you never can say "its over". so stay strong and (y):coffee: :mooning:
 
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glenwilson

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Yesterday:

Wife: “We should really start decorating the bedrooms”
Me: Gets out the gloss white paint and starts painting the doors and woodwork. (Would have videoed it but Gloss Paint Drying would literally be about 2 days long and you wouldn’t be able to see any difference)
Wife: “Why are you doing that? The smell is giving me a headache”
Me:
Wife:
Me: Thinks: “Maybe not the time to ask about getting the big Tiger 1 a 1/16th T-34 brother to play with.
Wife: “We need to get paint for the walls”
Me: “Yes” <switches on PC for some BF>
- end of scene -


A13070E1-3087-4B47-860E-7BF1F4018C29.jpeg
 

SCAR-H1988

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Too paranoid to tell it :P
Thanks for your support guys. :) Some people said 4 years and 4 months ago i would last maybe couple weeks without drinking lol. I guess that im very stubborn if something is matter of principle helps little with things like that. Starting of drinking or smoking again would be like public admitting im weak slob who cant quit. 😀

I dont know, maybe its just me but i think that being without drinking is not so hard after you get over starting of needed changes and get used to it. I mean how difficult it can be without doing just one thing? If i dont take first drink everything is fine. Taking that first one would cause problem becouse then it makes me want more and here we go again... Its like great idea "Maybe i should set on fire just corner of my bed, maybe it dont spread out of control." :facepalm: Im said that same thing to others who are bullshitting themself "I dont need to quit, i just drink less." It never works with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. Never. It can work little time and then you slide back to situation where you started. For example guys who said they are quiting drinking or smoking of cigarettes by "drinking or smoking less" 15 years ago are still drinking and smoking. Either they are making progress with very little steps or maybe that drinking/smoking less is just bullshit excuse of people who dont really want quit. :D Worst thing is you can get sometimes little bored but you dont wake up after sober day feeling bad and cursing what am i done again.... :D I sometimes see dreams where i drink and get in trouble again, then i wake up and im so happy it was just a dream. I guess big thing is that you understand that deal what you are taking if you drink: There is 1 good thing, feeling artificially good little time. But then there is lots of bad things including hangover, consequences of reckless actions becouse im kinda hot head when drunk, feeling guilty becouse of worry im causing to my family etc. And im seen generally ugly nature of alcohol and drugs from perspective of friend of an addict too. I guess it was one big thing too when i saw how alcohol and drugs ruined and propably ended life of one my old friend. We were friends since i was 5 and he was 3 years old. He died 5 years ago, just couple months before he would turn 25 years old. Nobody knows if it was accident or suicide, but i think it could be suicide becouse he was very depressed his last years. I guess that he noticed damages what drugs made to him caused that mental collapse. I think 10 years of heavy drinking and several years of injecting drugs damaged his brains somehow, causing that earlier generally smart smoothly talking young guy could not anymore "find words" when talking or explaining something. He was just shadow of his old self, like some kind of walking corpse last years of his life.
 

lakaelo

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very nice post heikki. (y)(y)(y)(y)that the whole point in that matter. with that "knowledge" you can handle the addiction and stay clean and sober and this makes the difference to other gays who will not get it. in a addiction you have now"greyzone" or a "maybe" or "just a little". there is only a yes or a no.
 
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SCAR-H1988

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Too paranoid to tell it :P
I dont feel very smart if i understand something after repeating same mistakes 10 years lol. :D If somebody is smart he/she can learn from failures and experience of others and take shortcut. But i guess most people have to go that same road themself until they start feel dumb for doing that same mistake again and again. After that happens then that getting rid off alcohol have solid foundation and it can actually work.

To me OCD is much worse than addiction to something stuff you get from bottle or cigarette outside of your body becouse its always in my head. Its like malware of mind causing anxiety and making me mentally exhausted every day. Im trying think its like annoying pop up thing in computers what appears all time complaining something error for nothing. If i notice im thinking certain way i should say to myself "Its just OCD again, fuck it!" and move on. But its easier say than do it. Way it works is something like this: Anxiety causes uncomfortable feeling ==> Brain starts think if something is wrong becouse i have that feeling ==> Checking something gives temporary relief ==> Something triggers that same thing again ==> Repeat that 1000 times in little different forms every day. Its very bad even in "normal" days and goes much worse if i have lots of stress. Seriously i could be one of guys you see in OCD documentary movies. That was one big reason i used to drink much earlier, i wanted have "free day" from OCD. But obviously that caused just more problems. I tried meet 4 different therapists something like 6 years 1-2x per week but it didnt help. At least to me OCD is much worse than alcohol, its very difficult to get rid off something what is so deep in your head and its always been there since i was little child. In computers getting rid off malware what is so deep in your operating system would need formating of whole harddrive and fresh installing of operating system. If i some day get that problem to tolerable level and can live like normal person then i feel im really done something difficult.

EDIT: I really appreciate your support during all these years. Its quite amazing how different people from different countries can be like family here. NRU is like some kind of utopia what actually works meanwhile other world is fighting each others about everything. It kinda gives little hope maybe this crazy world dont suck completely. :)
 
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RIZLOID

EL Gringo
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Some of us here are actually old enough to be able to give life advice and to let you know that we are here for you if needed, so hang in there and remember you are doing just fine and I and most here are proud of you (y)
Be lucky